My Immortal Spork
by Kurt50Alien
Summary: This is a side project that I am doing while writer's block kicks my ass. Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys. I decided to use an idea that my friend Sage did. Sporking a completely terrible story. She suggested that I do this. Bolded words are the sporks. She's currently sporking what is considered the other most terrible story of this site. Moon Daughter. Check out her spork. Chapters will come out once a week.**

Chapter 1.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **well. We know that she's crazy now. **Raven Way and I have long ebony black **redundant much? **hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! **Well. I don't know who that is. Sorry guys. Spork's over** ). I'm not related to Gerard Way **who? **but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight **breaking classic vampire tropes that make no sense when broken. *shrugs* At least her skin doesn't glow. **and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England ***cough* Scotland *cough*** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **Nooooo. I thought that you were an anti-goth**) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **rain and snow. Impossible.** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **The rational response.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **What the fuck is with the stupid ellipses. It is entirely unnecessary when be introduced to someone for the first time.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco Malfoy. Shy? Riiiiiiiiiiight.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony **Again, redundant much? **and inside it was hot pink **But isn't pink the color of Preps. At least according to Moon Daughter it is. **velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR **Yup. Liking a band at a minimum of 3 years before they start making music. Seems legit. **t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram **THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! **necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes **Tekat? Whatchu doing here?**. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **I call BS. A true friend would immediately talk about it. Not wait until the next day.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **A BLUSHING VAMPIRE! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! SHE AN ABOMINATION OF NATURE! Well. At least she doesn't sparkle.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.** Because the Slytherin common room connects directly to the Great Hall.**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **That's how someone who likes Draco would respond.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **How does one say hi flirtily?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte **Who?** are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Again. Wouldn't exist while Draco is in Hogwarts.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Why'd you gasp?**

**Hey guys. I had so much fun doing this yesterday that I did it again for today. Also for those of you who don't know who Tekat is, she's one of my characters from my story. And she looks kinda like how the author described Willow. Well, peace out guys.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I decided that instead of once a week to post chapters every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.**

Chapter 3.  
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Whooooooooa. That is not okay you fucking psychopath. Don't fucking promote slitting your wrist. Di immortales. Well. I did already point out that you were crazy. **I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood **Why not just drinking the blood from your slitted wrist? I mean common sense would dictate something like that. Oh well. I guess if I am going to continue sporking this *takes out brain* There. **so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.** Draco doesn't have a flying car! The only flying car belonged to the Weasleys. Also why the fuck would you need a fucking car for going to Hogsmeade? Or where the fuck was it? You know what, I'm over thinking this. **was wearing a Simple Plan **Once again, wouldn't be an active band until after Draco leaves Hogwarts. **t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!**and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **YOU'RE ALSO PROMOTING UNDERAGE DRUG USAGE! **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club **Hogsmeade has a club? **with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.** My father will hear about the fact that you like someone better than me.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **I'm getting serious Twilight vibes right now. From disobeying classic vampire rules, to being an abomination of nature, and now to the boy being unnaturally protective.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **You not only promote cutting yourself ****_and _****underage drug use, but also under age drinking. Role model of the fucking year everyone.**and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!** Again with the ellipses! What's the point of it?**

**Okay guys. So for all three chapters I've managed to take digs at Twilight. Do you think that I can keep it up?**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **For once swearing is the reasonable reaction.**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **But he stopped it in midair, causing them both to plummet to their deaths. YAY!**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Geeeeez. You have severe anger management problems. He just said your name.**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **No. It isn't anger management problems. It's the fact that you are bipolar.**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **New rule. Every time she uses ellipses, I shoot what is being introduced. That sound fair? **Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.** Oh great. So there are going to be sex scenes in this.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **Okay. So this is wrong on so many levels. 1. Vampires don't get warm. 2. *plays the ABOMINATION OF NATURE clip again* 3. Ummmmm. Something making fun of Twilight. Oh. I know. This story is like reverse Twilight with the female being the vampire. **And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"** Ebony: Oh. You know. Fucking in a forest full of extremely deadly monsters. A typical Friday night.**

It was….Dumbledore! ***shoots Dumbledore as Tom Ska's "Shoot All Your Problems Away" plays* I said that I was going to do it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay. I changed my mind once again and decide to do this daily until I get bored.**

Chapter 5.

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.** Anyone else conjuring up that one scene from the Goblet of Fire movie. I think that you know the one.**

"You ludacris **Ludacris? The rapper? **fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood **We need a doctor ASAP! No one crys blood. **down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall **Why McGonagall? Isn't Ebony in Slytherin? Why does McGonagall need to be present if she isn't Ebony's head of house. **who were both looking very angry.** I mean, Snape naturally looks angry.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **Why is this so redundant? When you yell, you are most likely furious.**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces **My new favorite insult. Besides "uneducated potato." **?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **There has literally been practically 0 chemistry between you two. Remind anyone else of a horrible love story about vampires?**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."** So where they should have been in the first place. What the fuck? No punishment.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Dumbledore glaring. I just can't see it.**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco** *shoots Draco* **was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Do you need to mention this because Ebony is a sleepwalker? **I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were **Let me guess? Black.** black. **Di immortales. The color of your clothes is more predictable than your shitty story. **I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **Well. It is time accurate, just not wizarding world accurate. **cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **A typically reaction to an accident. **I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **So you wouldn't regret it if he didn't look like you. Racism. **He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **No.** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore **No God please no****.**. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden **Who?**. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Wasn't thinking that you uneducated potato.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter **NOOOOOOOO!**, although most people call me Vampire **That's probably the worst insult you can call someone from the Harry Potter universe after Twilight came out. **these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **Harry giggling. Blasphemous.**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.** Why the fuck is the Boy Who Lived/the Chosen One whimpering.**

"Yeah." I roared. **Why'd you roar that?**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **Greeeeeeeat. I can't ****_wait_**** to see what it is. *crosses fingers* Don't be a sex scene. Don't be a sex scene.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ari: I really hope that they aren't.**

**Be warned. Another terrible sex scene here.**

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **Are we talking making you human or making you in real life? If it's the second one. *cocks pistol* I'm ready. **

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist **THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! **sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Is Tara(the author by the way, finally decided to learn her name) a Drar- sorry, a Vampo shipper. **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching ***shoots their tongues* **passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **Here we go again. **He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes actually. They only started dating like yesterday.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! ***shoot Vampire***

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **You understand absolutely nothing. If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event, you would have the world record.**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **You've already fucked him. It makes no difference.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom **And you know which class this is how? **where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **No. All caps doesn't mean yelling at all.**

**So what did we learn from today's chapter? That Tara writes love stories worse than Stephanie Meyer.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **Dude put some fucking clothes on. **and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **How does one scream sadly?**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **Such a stupid fucking name. Tara, here's some advice. Don't ever have children. Or if you do, let your husband name them. **smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white **Is there any other type of pale? **skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione **What? Why are you talking about Hermione? **was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism **THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! **she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **NOOOOOOOO! THIS IS NOT FUCKING HERMIONE! #NOTMYHERMIONE I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **That's instant detention ignoring a teacher. Let alone Snape.**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me **Cheated on you? We're you two dating? This makes no sense. **with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **Suddenly Draco's POV.** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **Oh great. **for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney **Who?**, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I **And back to Ebony.** screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **Please be eaten alive.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

I was so mad and sad. **Hey. That rhymes. **I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me **No he didn't you fucking uneducated potato**. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! ***shoots Voldemort* Wow. That's a good way to end the entire series.**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!"** Hold the fucking phone. You had the ability to use magic, but not run away. Also Crookshanks isn't a spell you idiot! **I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.** So you meant Crucio? **I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?** *slow claps* Oh my fucking god. She finally gets it.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **Just shoot him with the gun you idiot!**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Please do it. And then kill her.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis. **Telekinesis is the ability to move objects with your mind. Not read minds.**" he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **What happened to his own flight?**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **Perfect timing. You're gonna tell him what happened, right?**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! Also what is the fucking joke? Also more evidence for my Tara and Moonlite are the same person theory. **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.** Great. Just fucking great.**

**So. My kill count so far is Dumbledore, Vampire(still stupid), Flavia... I mean Ebony and Draco's tounges, and Voldemort.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 **You all know the drill. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!**. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **Nothing is sacred anymore. **now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid **Okay. Now that is legitimately funny imagery. Hagrid in a band**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **Don't promote suicide you crazy fucking bitch. **(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **So you are a bigoted idiot. Nice to know. **a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Which came out in 2005. Long after they would have graduated. **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **No. You're Flavia Maya Lilith Knight. Which is just as bad.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **Oh my God. Di immortales. Holy fuck. She isn't doing the cliche where she doesn't tell her friends. **But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes and no. He needs to say, "My father will hear about this" and it will be in character.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Is all this story is is people fucking crying?**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **When did he have a headache?**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **Which she said wouldn't be fucking possible. Well, that's one awful peice of shit gone. Only *looks at paper* 394 million to go.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **Great way to respond to someone trying to comfort you. **and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **Of course. Crying tears of blood. Totally normal.**and then I slit both of my wrists. **STOP PROMOTING SUICIDE! **They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **STOP PROMOTING SUICIDE YOU IDIOTIC NUMB SKULL WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL!**. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap ***shoots Snap* **was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **EWWWWWW. NO. BAD. THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THE WEIRD CHAPTERS IN MOON DAUGHTER EXCEPT EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER!**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **In canon. No.** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **His ****_womb_****? Is Vampire a female? **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **Not a real number and I already shot Snape. **times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. **They didn't die? **Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ***shoots Hargrid* **ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"** No he isn't. He was expelled.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **Like everyone else is. Also you know the drill. The Exorcist joke.**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **When did he shoot Snape? **"There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **I don't think that you know how cameras or guns work. You shoot a camera, the camera is unusable and you probably destroy the film.**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. **HAGRID'S WAND WAS SNAPPED YOU IMBECILE. **Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **Exorcist jokes. Oh so many Exorcist jokes.**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **EWWWWWWWWWWW! THAT'S DEFINITELY PEDOPHILIA!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago **Is it weird that Drago technically makes sense? **had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. ***rubs temples* There's a song about this exact thing. I can't remember the name of it, but I would definitely rather listen to it than read this story.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes ***shoot's his eyes* **rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **That doesn't make sense unless my shooting actually counts.**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **What? What? What the fuck? I don't think that you know how scars work.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed **How?** it into a pentagram **Running jokes. Running jokes. Oh so many running jokes. **for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort ***shoots Volfemort** has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **Meaning that he couldn't shit it out?**they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **THEN WHY WAS HE IN YOUR BAND?!**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **We can already tell.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yes. Yes it is. **to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Does anyone know what's going on?**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **What the fuck is going on!?**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **The black flame was black. How would we ever know that without Sherlock Holmes here? **Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **What? What is she talking about?**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **This is the first batch of terrible spelling. From what I heard, 16 onwards is all terrible spelling.**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **What is with the headache thing?**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **God. There's more unnecessary outfit descriptions here than Moon Daughter.**

"You look kawai **Which isn't a term that would be used then.**, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **Every time she says geddit, I am shooting Ebony. **you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists **You want to die so fucking bad? *cocks pistol* Let's make that a reality. I feel like once you die, everything goes back to normal. **feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco **Something that doesn't need to be explained again**. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then…** *shoots Ebony and Vampire* **we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle **Two things. 1. Why is she there if they're in Care of Magical Creatures? 2. OOC McGonagall is my favorite character simply because of her insults. **who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **YOU WERE SCREWING HIM! **You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Deju vu.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. **I just been in place before.**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Higher on the street.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **And I know it's my time to go.**

**As you can see by the end. Something that happened previously happened again. I decided to spork both instances. Yay. Also is the Exorcist joke getting too old?**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13.

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **Why? Because you need help?**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **Honestly, I love the insults of the story.**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **Great unison there guys.**

He laughed in an evil voice. **Oh god.**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. **Yeah. We have an Octavius! We have a voice of reason! **"Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Gold? Wanna weigh in on this? How does it feel that she is objectifying your sexuality?**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **Quickest. Brainstorm. Ever.**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly **Awwww. I can't shoot suddenly. *puts away shotgun* **we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah **Um. Is this racist? I feel like it. **Kedavra!"  
It was….. Voldemort! ***shoots Voldemort for a third time.* He should be like mega dead by now.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **No. What's scary is your English.**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **So you didn't run where he was. **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail **But Wormtail killed Cedric. Or as some people like to think, Edward Cullen. AND THE TWILIGHT JOKES ARE BACK BITCHES! **was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **I think that paragraph describes the fic as a whole.**

"Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **This is actually a normal fucking reaction. Good job. That's one normal reaction compared to 20 million abnormal ones. **I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **I've never understood why people think blood works like this?**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he ***shoots Voldemort for a fourth time.* Di immortales. By this point I've shot him nearly as many times as Harry has beaten him. **started coming! We could hear his high heels ***giggles* What? Voldemort in high heels. **clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit ***shoots Ebony* I said that I was going to do it. **cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **Please don't tell me that she has the normal problem of a Mary Sue.**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **Draco. Ebony is the fucking slut. Minutes after she thought you were dead, she fucked Vampire.**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan **Activate running joke. And is it now confirmed that Mary Sues are the children of Satan. That makes sense.**have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **Yup. The normal Mary Sue problem. Too good at everything.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. **So you admit that you are crazy? What? Oh. She means angry mad. I like to think that she meant crazy.**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson **Can someone please explain why she likes this person almost as much as I love hating on Twilight? **on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. ***pinches the bridge of nose* She's a SLUUUUUUUUT! **I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. **Tara. Let's talk for a bit. I'm going to talk and you're gonna fucking listen. That is not okay. I had a friend who was on her death bed. And do you want to know something. She toughed it out. She didn't kill herself. She kept on pushing until her illness killed her. If you want an example of a strong female, or any gender character. It isn't their inability to die that makes them strong. It is their perseverance through hardship. If you think that Ebony is a hero. You are dead wrong. Strengths don't make a hero. Flaws and how they are overcame do. *and now back to our regularly scheduled program. **I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology **A class that doesn't exist in Hogwarts. **class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black **Redundaaaaaaaant. **hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed **You might think that I am going to point out a redundancy here, but no. I am going to point out that when you feel depressed, sadness is mostly there. So yeah. A redundancy. **usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram **Roll the clip.** into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **At least she didn't use ellipses, but what?**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he **Well, now he's dead anyway. *shoots Draco* **started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **Um. What?**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch **So why are you kissing like her?**) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin **I thought that he was going to Mungo's? **shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

**Well guy. I have bad news. From now on, the English will be so bad, I might as well be reading another language. And there are 29 more chapters. Wish me luck.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay. So checking out this chapter, I was wrong. The English seems good.**

Chapter 16.

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly **You ran in where? The stage?**. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard **Is this the dude that she wished she was related to all the way back in chapter 1. **looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for each others **WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS?!**. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **First off, death dealers? Sounds like they give some sort of drug. Secondly *shoots Voldemort for a fifth time* and *shoots the Death Dealers* Also, they had to have been planning this for months.**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **What? This is how the chapter was written. What is going on? Is this going to be a common occurrence?**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **What?**

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **That proves nothing.**

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **Or... not everything is about you, you stuck up bitch.**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math **HOGWARTS DOESN'T HAVE MATH!**." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **Also, you know that character only mentioned once, yeah, she's gone.**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **She was your friend I thought.**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas **Seriously. I am just going to assume that it is a stupid knockoff**. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **Heartless bitch.**

"Kawai. **You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. **" B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." ***pulls out shotgun* I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill all of them.**

"Kawai ***see previous comment on using this word* **." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **You can't talk in silence.**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **Actually, you already went to the concert.**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **Great. Just great.**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **That would be awesome.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" **But sadly it isn't true. **She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. **Why wouldn't you have known about them you idiot?**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **Does everyone just have brooms?**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **So he didn't tell you.**

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **Then why did you say it you fucking idiot. **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan **You know. The Exorcist jokes don't work as well if you know the identity of the demon from the movie. **you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **No body cares.**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **Um. You changed your name just to include the author's name. That's stupid. **way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid **It's Voldemort. **." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **What? He was just being friendly you anti-social bitch. **I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **Why are there only a few characters in this whole story? And why don't I get awesome OOCs like Mr. T Chiron and Octavius?**

**Well. This chapter was... a total dumpster fire. I think that I am going to lie down now. And I have a question for today. Should I have a chapter of the Spork where my characters make fun of the story?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay guys. So, since you wanted it, I am going to have my characters make fun of the story. I think that Four and Two would be good.**

**Four: Hai!**

**Two: Sup.**

Chapter 17.

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). **Two: Okay. That is really stupid. Just because someone likes something, doesn't mean that they are a certain sexuality. Does that mean that tomboys like me are automatically lesbian? Four: You're overthinking it Two. **Hargird kept shooting at us **Two: Did he hit you?** to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking **Four: Fjucking? **bastard." Well anyway Willow came.** Four: So we read back a bit. Two: Terrible decision. Four: Wasn't Willow expelled? **Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's **Two: So this is a retcon. Great. **really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **Two: *growls* You think that anorexia is fun? Do I need to decapitate you? Four: *holding Two back* No. We were told to make fun of the story. Not jump timeline and cause a massacre.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' **Two and Four: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! **on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola **Four: *giggling* Is he like a vampire for Coca-Cola? **. Dracola used to be called Navel **Two: Like a nose? **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed **Four: At least they aren't dead? Two: I think that she meant died. **in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism **Four: We seriously need a young and old priest. **and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. **Two: Something he showed no traits for. **He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **Four: um. What? Also *shoots Ebony* That was one of our only instructions. **that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak **Four: Why do people think that illegal stuff is cool?**. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.** Two: *shoots Ebony* And you said that we couldn't cause a massacre. Four: *rolls eyes***

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **Four: *Singing the Deju Vu song***

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **Four: *shoots Voldemort* He's been shot as many times as Michael Myers was in the first movie. Two: Also you only said that you were going to kill Draco.**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **Four: This feels wrong, shooting Dumbledore. Two: It isn't Dumbledore anymore. It is a sue version. Four: oh right. *shoots Dumbledore***

**Two: That's it for today. I think tomorrow Nine and Ten will be sporking.**

**Four: If you guys liked it anyway.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Nine: So today Ten and I will be sporking.**

**Ten: Now who will try to attack Ebony first, who knows?**

Chapter 18.

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **Ten: Before being at the dojo, I wore more colors. And I was in the army.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **Nine: *shoots Ebony* This is fun. **Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)** Ten: Normally people say show and don't tell, but I am fine with the telling.**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate **Nine: Ah. Yes. The place where you find grated cheese. **Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **Ten: Can someone explain how you can see paint under paint? **And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **Nine: Who js the first person and how are they a band?**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **Ten: Mr. Gold, I believe that you said it the best. Talking about Pottah's, always wanted to say it like that, flip-flopping sexuality. Care to weigh in once more?**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **Nine: I'm surprised Two or Kurt didn't make this joke. So Moldyshort's nose became sentient? **was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. **Ten: Tara, not everyone has your negative IQ. We already know who it is because you fucking told us. **He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **Nine: Does that count for Ellipses Shooting. Ten: I think it does. Nine: Perfect. *shoots Dumbledore***

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **Ten: What's he wearing, a Grim Reaper outfit? Because I thought that the only thing Voldemort feared was Death and Dumbledore.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **Nine: *gags* That's what I think. You don't remodel ancient buildings Tara. That's wrong.**

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **Ten: I bet you could say that it is inconceivable.**

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **Nine: Well. I'm just going to call you by your full name, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **Ten: *shoots Ebony* Nine: I have a better idea. *shoots Tara* Ten: That is better. **but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **Nine: A mid-life crisis in his hundreds. Makes sense.**

I was so fucking angry **Ten: Why?**

**Nine: That's it for today.**

**Ten: I think that tomorrow is Lix and Seven.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys. Sorry about no upload yesterday. I decided to go to one every two days. Now introducing Lix and Seven.**

**Lix: Hello.**

**Seven: Wassup.**

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise  
All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **Lix: So it was a real thing that Moldyshorts crashed?**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive. **Seven: Ahhhh. So this is the Sixth year. Thanks for a year asshat.**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Lix: *pinches her nose* Let's not sexualize every single sexuality.**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare **Seven: At first I thought he had a rabbit, but it was just bad English. Lix: Also Malfoy has blonde hair. **went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **Lix: Together? Seven: Together. Both: *shoot at Tara* **I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **Lix: I would, if I knew your email.**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **Seven: At first I thought that Malfoy accused her of something, so I read back. Again, just terrible English.**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted. **Lix: Come on. Spit it out.**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **Seven: She definitely is bipolar like Kurt thought.**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **Lix: Boom! Boom! Boom! Ah shit. It didn't work.**  
But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **Seven: Smoke weed everyday. Lix: *smacks the back of his head* Seven: Right. Drugs are bad. M'kay.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **Lix: Which you can't do inside of Hogwarts. Other means of teleportation yes. Apparation, no.**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **Seven: First thinking about being scared, then realizing that he is where he shouldn't be. You really need to sort out your priorities.**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco **Lix: Who was outside the door. **but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?" **Seven: *Bangs head on wall* I really wish that this hurt.**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **Both: What?**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **Lix: And you know this how?**


	20. Chapter 20

**Panto: Okay folks. Myself and Six are sporking today. And if you read the ending of the 6th Ten Experiments book, you know what that means. Time for me to use the Infinity Gauntlet to smack a bitch.**

Chapter 20.

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists **Six: I feel like Tara is one of those people who thinks that everyone should do this. **while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night **Panto: Well, we found something worse than Flavia's two person mosh. A single person mosh. **, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **Panto: I want to ship her off to the Mogadorian army to whip her into shape, but I feel like that would be punishing them.**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **Six: *groans* This is how she treats people who sacrificed themselves to defeat Voldemort?**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) **Panto: Where are my Infinity Stones? Oh. There they are. *snaps Tara out of existence* **kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **Six *vomits before shooting Snake and Loopin.* Gross.**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) **Six: Sexualizing a sexuality again I see. **but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) **Panto: So who is Slytherin's head of house? **  
"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **Panto: While you did spell that correctly, how do you say that sadistically?**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. **Six: Why do you even need them? You are both males.**

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. **Panto: You wouldn't have given them any anyway.**

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I **Six: *punches off Ebony's head. **took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **Panto: Noooooo. It is a trick camera that puts clothes on people.**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. **Six: She's a SLUUUUUUUUT!**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **Panto: Um.** Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?" **Panto: phew. Just a terrible typo. I write English better than this. And my first language is an alien one.**

Then….. he **Six: *punches Vampire through the chest* **showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather **Panto: *snickers* Dogfather? That has to be a typo. No way she came up with a joke that clever. **Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 **Six: Oh. This joke hasn't been done in a while. Both: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! **on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

….I gasped. **Panto: *snaps Ebony out of existence* **

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band. **Six: Are there Death Dealers again?**

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **Panto: I hate everyone here. Ebony's a cheating slut. Vampire is obviously suffering from a medical disorder. And Draco is a whiny bitch, so not much new there.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Okay. So sadly none of my children or adoptive children want to make fun of this chapter. Luckily, we have Nrp here to do this as his punishment. Yay!**

**Nrp: This is cruel and unusual punishment.**

**Exactly why we're doing it.**

**Nrp: Let's just get this over with.**

Chapter 21.

Later we all went in the skull. **Nrp: Is it the skull of your enemies? No? That sucks. **Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **Nrp: Sooooo, your usual voice?**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **Nrp: Please do. Death makes everything more enjoyable. What? I'm not supposed to condone that? Well, this is what happens when you let a Reverse Worldian do this.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better." **Nrp: I don't like the sound of that.**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" **Nrp: Ahh. Me and the crazy lady thought the same thing. That isn't good. **I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **Nrp: Wellllll. I ain't homophobic. I have a phobia of homophilics like you Tara.**

And then….. we **Nrp: Time for my favorite part. *shoots all of them. **herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke **Nrp: What is he supposed to do with an invincible coke? **. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily **Nrp: Hold the phone. The cat?** with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **Nrp: Wait just one second. The cat and Filtch swapped? What the fuck?**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. **Nrp: Stupid idiot.**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **Nrp: Seeeeeee.** Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir **Nrp: *shoots Vampire* **frenched me **Nrp: That is rape man. Not cool. **! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris **Nrp: *shoots Mr. Norris.** was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?" **Nrp: Of course he is. You idiots slit your wrists more often than I die and come back to life.**

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 **Nrp: Does anyone know what happened in that paragraph?**

**Nrp: That was surprisingly fun. Can I do it again? Please?**

***shocked* He said please. That is a new development. Well, should Nrp be allowed to do it again guys?**


	22. Chapter 22

**Nrp: I'm back by your demand bitches.**

Chapter 22.

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **Nrp: Ever hear of show don't tell? **Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. **Nrp: Did you find a dead body? Please tell me that you found a dead body.**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **Nrp: *shoots all of them* So originally there were no dead bodies, now there are a bunch. And I solemnly swear that I didn't cause it.**

I opened my crimson eyes. **Nrp: Didn't you have to do that to see them? Or do you have x-ray vision. **Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. **Nrp: Skip! **Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. **Nrp: It's still going? Skip! **B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. **Nrp: Finally. **So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. **Nrp: Are you sure that it killed him? Because you guys survive cutting your wrists all the time. **He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Nrp: No. I am not making that stupid joke.**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said. **Nrp: He's becoming self-aware. Kill him.**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice. **Nrp: Kawaii, I can't believe I said that, and beautiful aren't synonymous with each other. Kawaii means cute. Cute doesn't mean the same thing as beautiful.**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too. **Nrp: No. No. No. Even I hate the pink little bitch.**

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL **Nrp: Headmaster **ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **Nrp: What?**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **Nrp: *shoots Ebony* Also, what? Harry or Neville are the only ones capable of killing Voldy. Remember, "Neither can live while the other survives.**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **Nrp: *shoots Ebony***

**Nrp: Yup. This is extremely fun. I am taking over now.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Nrp: I'm still here bitches.**

Chapter 23.

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP **Nrp: I like to think that she actually said beep. What is it with terrible fanfic writers making the most hated characters some of the best? **ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" **Nrp: That's what she said.**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **Nrp: I was going to shoot Vampire, but Draco's doing it for me.**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit **Nrp: What? **next to her!1"

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he **Nrp: *shoots Vampire* So we have a stupid love triangle. ****_Yay!_**jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. **Nrp: What's she doing there? **Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort! **Nrp: Too many people to shoot. Oh well. *shoots everyone with a look of glee***

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer **Nrp: Um. Lord Vader. Wrong fandom. **sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **Nrp: The second part happens every 20 minutes it seems.**

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **Nrp: Which came out in 2005.**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister **Nrp: I like that lady already. **about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich **Nrp: Great way to talk to your friends**." I said sadly and den we went.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry** Nrp: I thought that it was Professor Sinister? **about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister **Nrp: Any respect I had for this lady is now gone .**in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. **Nrp: Who only appears like once, maybe twice in the whole series. **She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. **Nrp: So pretty much like everyone else in this story. **She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong **Nrp: Who?**. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" **Nrp: Do these people belong to a cult that worships Hot Topic?**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. **Nrp: *bites off her finger* **"Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) **Nrp: *shoots Tara* **1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **Nrp: Which would be great.**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it. **Nrp: Crystal balls can't be black.**

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **Nrp: Open your eyes you idiot. That is most certainly not what you see.**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." **Nrp: *stumbles back* Even I know not to say that. **said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **Nrp: And that concludes another shitty chapter.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. **Nrp: You know what. Everytime they do it, I'm shooting off Draco's dick. **We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **Nrp: Too many adjectives. Way to many unnecessary adjectives.**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. **Nrp: I'm sorry. But no one can make grumbling sexy. Except maybe Batman. And I say that as a straight male. **He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork **Nrp: Well, looks like we got to stop sporking if she's doing it. **. He started to fly the car into a tree. **Nrp: And then you both died, the end. **We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **Nrp: *shoots Draco and his dick***

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I **Nrp: *shoots Ebony* **fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. **Nrp: So it is now a murder mystery case. I see this going horribly wrong.**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes. **Nrp: Redundant much redundant.**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 **Nrp: Why would they care? It isn't like she meant Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black. Oh. She did. Well. It is strange. *shoots the two of them and drives away in a red car* And I am African American as well.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. **Nrp: What tree? The Whomping Willow? Please get smashed. **He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt. **Nrp: I like to think about this taking place in the Reverse World. They would be pretty much wearing white and green. And of course Ebony would be a decent human being.**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. **Nrp: Not every action can be made sexy. This isn't sexy is it? *stabs you in the head* **I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!"

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **Nrp: And have him do jack diddley squat. Good idea.**

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads **Nrp: 1. Sire? 2. Sirius is not Harry's father. He is the person that makes an offer that can't be refused. **have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **Nrp: Ah. Yes. And we should believe you why? We know that you take large amounts of drugs. Wait. I finally cracked the meaning of this story. This is just Ebony's trip on LSD.**

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **Nrp: Good reaction. We have found our Octavius folks. All hail the messiah that will free us from this torment!**

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). "U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **Nrp: So using my translation skills, Ebony got expelled.**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon."** Nrp: There are too many people to shoot. Soooooo. *drops a nuke* **I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **Nrp: *pinches nose* I'm gonna kill you Tara. And then I will feed you to the dogs. **We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **Nrp: *shoots Professor Sinister* I have no idea what her actual name is. She only appeared like once or twice in the books. So I am just going to assume that it is her real name.**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u **Nrp: I don't know. Twilight vampires hurt my brain.**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly **Nrp: r/thathappened**\- I had saved them. Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. **Nrp: Even though Sirius and Lucius were on stretchers? **The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. **Nrp: I had to make sure that black platinum was a real thing and *winces* don't wear shoes made out of it. **"I have to tell you the fucking perdition."

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara **Nrp: I believe that the Texan said it best. That this all just the author's dreams staring Harry Potter characters. This just proves it.**, I see drak times are near." She said badly. She peered into da balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner **Nrp: But they were all destroyed! **like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" **Nrp: Um. He can't love. **I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. **Nrp: No idea what that meant. **I went outside again sadly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness **Nrp: Who the fuck is Darkness?**, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. **Nrp: There is too much improbable stuff here, but I am going to go with the most improbable thing. Crabbe and Goyle aren't smart enough to set up fireworks.**

I put on my Invisibility coke **Nrp: When the fuck did you get one? **with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **Nrp: I thought that you just wanted to talk to Draco?**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28.

We went in2 a blak **Nrp: Is this supposed to be back or black? Lix: I think black. Nrp: What are you doing here? Lix: Helping you. We can hear your insanity from the other side of the dojo. Nrp: Fair point. **room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason **Lix: You keep on calling a single person a band. I don't think that you know how bands work. **all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. **Nrp: Can I call this the Lament Configuration? Lix: That's black and gold. So sadly no cenobites will be torturing them. **There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. **Nrp: Can I- Lix: No.** I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple **Nrp: More color in her outfit? Strange. **stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard **Lix: Any idea what it is supposed to be? Nrp: I think that she is calling his hand a bastard. Lix: Sounds about right. **hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily **Nrp: And how is this done sexily?**. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I **Lix: *shoots Ebony*** have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then… I **Nrp: *shoots Ebony*** took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). **Lix: *vomits* Nrp: Great. Now I'll have to clean it up. Lix: How are you not throwing up? Nrp: I've become numb to this. Lix: They are pretty much making stuff that Moon Daughter's Mr. D likes.**

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 **Nrp: *shoots Snape* Lix: *shoots McGonagall***


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29.

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily. **Nrp: Did they hit? Lix: She meant shout. Nrp: I can dream, can't I?**

"CUM NOW!1!" **Lix: Woah! Woah! Woah! Don't say it like that McGonagall. **Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel **Nrp: Why was there candy?** and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111" **Lix: Nrp, any idea what the fuck is going? Nrp: Nope. Lix: Neither do I.**

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly. **Nrp: So this is the 5th year? Not the 6th year? Also where are the quotations?**

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **Lix: *shoots Tara* Nrp: Also what?**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). **Lix: Ah. Yes. And Raven has the final say in all things vampire. That's like saying Stephanie Meyer does as well. **Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand. **Nrp: I'm too confused to shoot anyone. Lix: Same.**

"Crosio!" I shouted. **Nrp: So you didn't summon a cat this time. Good job. **Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **Lix: What just happened? Nrp: I don't know.**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30.

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly **Nrp: How does one loaf meanly? Lix: You do it pretty well. Nrp: Thank you. **. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko **Lix: *shoots Snape* Also *imitating JonTron* I don't like where this is going. **!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! **Nrp: Grooooooooooss!**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1" **Lix: Well, at least he isn't raping him. Nrp: *whispers to her* Lix: So it is Moon Daughter's Mr. D's rapping.**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. **Nrp: Does this make sense to anyone? **But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. **Lix: He fucked you. That's supportive all right.**

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort **Nrp: So Voldemort is a god? But he died. I died and came back to life. Multiple times. **. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. Suddenly an idea I had. **Lix: Panto! Can you freeze time for us?! *time freezes as Lix opens up Ebony's head to reveal no brain* How? **I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. **Nrp: How? Also Deus ex Machina right there folks.**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio. **Lix: Why?**  
"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came.

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev **Nrp: Sev? Why did Snape call Sirius Sev? **I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go." **Lix: What happened?**


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31.

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111). **Nrp: Why did you say that? Lix: Are you talking about the vampire slayer?**" Serious said 2 Snape.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed. **Nrp: Proof?**

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum **Lix: So it will do nothing because Veritaserum is the truth serum. Plus how do you have some on hand? **out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. **Nrp: So you gave it to Snape? **He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store. **Lix: That was a whirlwind of shit going on that I can't make fun of it.**

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry. **Nrp: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?**

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick. **Lix: Um. Are you so useless that you need other people to help you change?**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said.

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it. **Nrp: A few things. Lix: 1. You can't use the time turner to go back to the time you came from. Nrp: 2. The Pensive isn't used with time travel.**

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. **Lix: How do you do that? **Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. **Nrp: *shoots Ebony* Also how does one jump sexily?**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111 **Lix: Um. What? Am I allowed to shoot him? He isn't even from this fandom.**


End file.
